Tearing Through Me
by LuluFan16
Summary: He never thought that his addiction to the alcohol could make him lose everything that mattered to him in his whole entire life in just one night. Warning: Has death in it.


**Author's Note:** Okay, this is a sad story I just wrote. It's a one-shot. It's my first LnL3 one-shot. Hope you like it!

**Summary:** He never thought that his addiction to the alcohol could make him lose everything that mattered to him in his whole entire life in just one night.

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**Tearing Through Me**

I've lost everything.

I've lost everything that's ever mattered to me all in one night. My wife, my son, and my dignity.

It's my fault. It's all my fault. It should have been me driving that night, not her. Riley asked me to go and pick him up from Maxie and Cooper's house, but of course I was too wasted to go, so Lulu insisted that she pick him up.

God, why couldn't I have been sober that night? Why couldn't it have been me who got hit by the drunk driver?

Drunk driver- I wonder if his problem is as bad as mine- probably not. In my opinion nobody is as bad an alcoholic as me. I don't understand how Lulu could've stayed married to me for seven years.

How could she have been okay with me being the alcoholic I am? Okay, so she tried to get me to quit on more than one occasion, but I don't know, it's not that I wouldn't, it's that I couldn't.

I've been around alcoholics my entire life, I guess that's the one trait I actually inherited from my mother- gee thanks mom. Out of all of the things that I could inherit, you give me your alcoholism.

_Flashback _

I remember I walked up to her house and was wearing black suit with a white shirt underneath and a black tie, and I had spent like two hours on my hair trying to make it perfect. As I walked up to her house I was so nervous. Then when I knocked and opened the door I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked, I was completely speechless when I saw her.

She was wearing a white strapless dress that came just above her knees, it had diamonds all over it, but not too many. She was wearing the diamond necklace and bracelet I had gotten her for her birthday, and her hair was curled, and she had it half up and half down with stray hairs hanging loosely. She looked beautiful.

"Wow," I said smiling. "You look amazing, Lulu."

"You don't look to bad yourself, Logan."

"Ready to go?" I asked holding out my hand, waiting for her to take it.

"Yeah." She grabbed her purse and took my hand as I led her to my car.

When we got to the place where we were going I told her to close her eyes. "Why?" She asked curiously.

"Trust me." I said getting out of the car, opening the door, and helping her out.

"Okay." She said softly.

She closed her eyes and I took her hand and I led her down the pathway that would take us where we would have our date.  
When we got there I smiled and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "Open your eyes." I said softly.

She opened them and gasped. There before us was a gazebo that was lit up by candles that surrounded it, and in the middle there was a table with two lit candles and a vase with a single red rose between them, and there were rose peddles all over the table.

She turned to me and smiled. "It's beautiful."

"Just like you," I said reaching up to move a piece of hair from her face. "I love you."

"I love you too." She said as I led her up the stairs of the gazebo.

Then I stopped suddenly and she turned to me with a confused look on her face. "Lulu, I don't usually do stuff like this, I'm not this type of guy. But I did all of this for a reason," I stopped for a second a studied her face, she was looking at with the same confused look. I got down on one knee and took a deep breath; I looked up at her, pulled out a small black box, and opened it to reveal a diamond ring. I took the ring out of the box and took Lulu's hand. "Lulu, will you marry me?"

I looked at her again and this time the look on her face wasn't confused at all, she was crying.

"Yes, of course I'll marry you, Logan." I smiled and slipped the ring on her finger. Then I stood and pulled her in for a hug and kissed her passionately on the lips.

End of Flashback

That was one of the best nights of my life. Six months later we got married, I never thought it was possible for another person to look as gorgeous as she had looked on our wedding day, but she proved me wrong.

I don't remember why exactly I had started drinking, I guess I've been doing it for so long that I completely lost the reason.

Lulu hated that I drank, probably because her father had had alcohol problems when she was growing up, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to- I just couldn't.

I don't even know why she stayed with me, she could have left me, I would've understood why. Everyone told her to- even Cooper. I can't blame them either, I was the biggest ass in the world when I was drunk, but that didn't change the fact that I loved her and our son.

Our son.

I killed him too. He was in the car with her when that prick ran the red light, he died as well.

_Flashback _

"Mr. and Mrs. Hayes?" The nurse asked, walking into Lulu's hospital room. "It's a boy." The nurse said, putting our son in Lulu's arms.

Lulu held the baby and smiled at me. "He's beautiful."

"Just like you." I replied, kissing the top of her head. "What do you wanna name him?"

She thought for a moment, "You pick."

I sat on the bed next to her and wrapped one arm around her shoulders, "It's your decision."

She nodded and looked at the small baby in her arms. Then she looked at me and smiled again, -god I loved her smile.

"Riley."

"Riley?" I asked

"Yes."

I nodded and hugged her. "Okay then, Riley it is."

"I have a middle name picked out for him as well."

"What is it?" I asked, curiously.

"Logan."

I laughed, "Why Logan?"

"Because I love the name Logan." She said quietly, taking my hand in hers.

"Okay, his middle name can be Logan. But I name the next kid we have."

She nodded, "Okay."

End of Flashback

That's never happening, I'm never going to get another chance with them. They're gone. I really wish it had been me that died instead of them. They didn't deserve it, they deserved the best life possible with the best husband and father possible, but instead they got me.

I didn't deserve a wife as beautiful, sweet, and caring as Lulu. She deserved a prince, not some alcoholic asshole.

I will never understand why she stayed with me instead of leaving em like everyone told her to do. I mean, I know she loved me, but I was an ass to her all the time when I was drunk.

I will never forget the night I lost both her and my son, that night will never go away.

_Flashback _

"Logan, you can't go." Lulu said, grabbing my car keys from my hand.

I stumbled a little bit because I was drunk like always. "Y… yes, I c… can." I replied, trying to take them back from her.

She walked over to her coat and put it on. "I'm going to pick up Riley from Cooper and Maxie's. Okay? You're drunk and--"

I yelled at her. "I'M NOT FUCKING DRUNK!"

But of course I had to fall over after I said that, which just proved her point.

"Yes you are. I'll be home in a half-hour," She said, leaning over and kissing me. "sleep it off." She said, walking out of the house.

End of Flashback

And I did. As soon as she left I fell asleep, expecting her to be lying next to me. It didn't occur to me that that night would be the last time I ever saw her again.

I can't get the phone call I got out of my head either. I don't think I've ever cried that much or that hard in my entire life.

_Flashback _

The phone rang; I picked it up and couldn't breathe when I was told what had happened.

"Mr. Hayes?"

"Yes. This is he. May I ask who's calling?"

"Mr. Hayes this is doctor Drake calling from General Hospital." He said, calmly.

"What happened? Is everything alright?"

"We're really sorry Mr. Hayes, but your wife and son have been in an accident."

"Oh my god. Well, are… are they okay?" I remember trying to be as calm as possible, but in reality it felt like my insides were exploding.

"No, I'm afraid their not. When the paramedics arrived at the scene they found your son in the car. His seatbelt had slit his throat when the car was sent through the guardrail and landed upside-down, and your wife was thrown from the car completely, they couldn't find her for hours, and when they did she was already dead. I'm very sorry."

I dropped the phone and started crying immediately, I couldn't catch my breath, at first I couldn't breathe at all, it felt like my heart had just been ripped from my chest and stabbed repeatedly.

End of Flashback

They couldn't be gone. That's all I kept saying to myself that night. They would never leave me, I needed them. But when their funerals came around I knew that it was pointless to think they were coming back.

I don't wanna live anymore, I mean, what's the point? There's no point in me living without the two people I loved more then anything else in the world.

The Next Morning

"Logan, Logan answer the door!" Cooper Barrett yelled, slamming his fist against Logan's front door repeatedly. "Logan!"

Cooper ran around to the back door and luckily it was open. When he walked inside he checked the downstairs and couldn't find Logan anywhere.

"Logan!"

He ran up the stairs and found Logan. "Oh my god!" He yelled, running to Logan's side.

Logan was laying face down on the bed, and Cooper could see the blood pouring from both of his wrists. Since Cooper was a cop he could tell when someone was dead, and it was too late to save Logan, he had killed himself.

He sat down on the floor next to Logan's bed and cried. Then he noticed a piece of paper on the nightstand, Cooper reached for it and read it,

_Coop, _

Thanks for being here for me. These last two days have been torture. I know you tried to help me through it, but if my best friend couldn't then no one could. I did this because I don't see the point in living without them. I miss them so much and I can't bear the thought of living without them. Thanks for being my bestfriend; I'll miss you. But I did this so I can be with them again. Please don't be upset.

I'm happy now.

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**Author's Note:** What do you think?


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